Connections: "Elizabeth's Story - A Hope For Homelessness"

As told by Elizabeth to Sandy Fertman Ryan

It's hard to believe that Elizabeth*, a bright and cheerful 17 year-old, grew up homeless. After her long, difficult journey with only a positive attitude to guide her, Elizabeth tells us how she's finally made it "home".

I was born in Mexico. I don't remember much about my first few years growing up there. Just that life was really hard—my family had no money and there were no jobs. When I was six my mom, my little brother and I came to the U.S. because my mom wanted us to have a better life than she did growing up in Mexico. We went to California near Los Angeles. My mom thought she had a good place for us to live but that didn't work out. Soon it became evident that mom's only choice was to take us to a homeless shelter.

The afternoon that we arrived at the Bible Tabernacle shelter, I was so scared, because it was really dark and crowded with families. Even my mom was afraid, because she had heard that women had been attacked there. But we had nowhere else to go so my mom tried to make the best of it. Each morning at 6 a.m. everyone living in the shelter was required to go to Bible reading. Then at 8 a.m., we ate breakfast in the basement. I always felt like a beggar, standing in that long line. A lot of alcoholics and drug addicts stayed at the shelter, too, and when they got too noisy, the director would flash the lights in the dining room and say, 'Stop serving!' until everyone quieted down. It made me feel so terrible, like we were nothing.

After school, I always had to come straight home, since dinner was at 4 p.m. and if you missed it, you didn't get to eat until the next day. I couldn't do anything after school. Usually, I just read or did my homework, so at least I always got good grades in school. At 6 p.m. every night, we had to attend a church service. If we didn't go to church, we couldn't live in the shelter. We weren't even allowed to watch TV, although we could listen to religious stations on the radio. At night, everyone had to sleep together on the pews in the chapel. All the rules made me incredibly angry sometimes. I thought, 'Why can't I just be like everyone else?' But I knew my mom was working hard cleaning houses, trying to save enough to find a place of our own. The least I could do was understand. My best friend, Emily* from school would always ask to come over and hang out with me after school. Of course they had no idea I lived in a shelter— I was just too ashamed of being homeless. I'd tell her and anyone else who asked me to do something that I didn't have a phone and that my mom didn't allow guests. They'd invite me to their houses instead, but I'd tell them I wasn't allowed to visit. The truth was, I was afraid of missing the dinner deadline. My friends would say, 'Man, your mom is so mean!' That hurt so much, because she's the nicest person in the world, and I couldn't say anything to protect her. I felt terrible lying to Emily and my other friends but I felt even worse about telling the truth. My mom knew how hard it was for my brother and I to live in the shelter, so she would joke about it. She'd say, 'OK, I'm going down to your school to announce to everyone that you live in a shelter and have to stand in line for food and go to Bible study every morning!' Of course, she was just kidding. She'd always remind us that there are places where kids don't have half of what we have and tell us, 'There's nothing wrong with living in a shelter. I knew she was right, but it was so hard to believe sometimes.

MOVING OUT, MOVING UP?

My mom cleaned houses so she could be with us after school. This was a big sacrifice for herÑshe could have gotten a much better job. After three years of living in the shelter, a woman my mom worked for invited us to live with her. It was the most amazing thing, especially since we had nothing to offer her in return. Ill always be so grateful for how comfortable she made us feel. But we didnt want to be a burden, so we moved back to the shelter after a year. Finally, when I was 10, my mom received government aid. We could get our own apartment! It was the first time wed ever lived on our own in the United States. We could cook our own food, watch TV and live in a clean house! I was so happy! But still, I couldnt escape my past.

This boy who had heard wed moved from a shelter teased me in front of Emily, saying, 'At least I never lived in a shelter! I felt my face turn red and I felt so terrible that I ran into the bathroom crying. I thought, 'Everyone must be laughing behind my back. Emily came in and asked, 'Why would he say that? I lied and told her I didnt know. I was too ashamed to tell her the truth. A few months after we got out own place, my dad came from Mexico to live with us in the United States. My parents ended up getting married but it wasnt long before their relationship was so bad that we had to leave him—and our apartment. I was so upset, but there was nothing we could do. Luckily, my mom found a family who let us live with them in return for babysitting. But the six months we stayed there were awful. The family would get angry if we ate too much and they would constantly yell at us, saying, "This is NOT your house!" The situation made us so uncomfortable—like we werent even human beings.

So once again we had to move back to the Bible Tabernacle. I was 12 and the shelter really changed. It was much cleaner and we shared an apartment with other families so we didnt have to sleep in the chapel anymore. As hard as it was to live in the shelter as a little girl, being a teen in a shelter was even harder. There were still very strict rules. A lot of times, I felt really upset that I couldnt hang out with friends after school like everyone else. But the hardest part was not being able to join clubs, do sports or become a cheerleader because of my curfew. I thought life was so unfair, but deep down, Ive always been grateful for the shelter, because I knew that when it was cold, I had warm food, clothes and a roof over my head. Still, some people, especially kids, can be really mean when you live in a shelter, teasing you for being poor or just different from them. But the thing that hurt even more than that was when strangers would see us get off the Bible Tabernacle bus and they would pity us, saying things like, 'Oh, you poor thing or looking at us in a certain way. When youre little, its great when people feel sorry for you, because theyre overly nice, giving you candy and toys. But when youre a teenager, you think, 'Please don't treat me any differently. Im just like everyone else.

Finally, the summer before high school, I decided I couldnt keep lying to Emily . I had to tell her everything. Since we didnt have a phone, I wrote her a letter saying, 'The real reason why you havent been able to come over is because I live in a shelter and its so embarrassing to me. It was such a relief telling her the truth, but I was so scared she wouldnt like me anymore. A few days later, Emily wrote back and said, 'Elizabeth, I will always be your best friend. Living in a shelter is nothing to be ashamed of! You should have told me from the beginning! I was so happy when I got that letter. I remember just standing there shaking and crying. Then, one day, Emily said, 'Can I spend the night? I was so excited! I thought, 'I cant believe anyone would want to stay with me in a homeless shelter! That night, we had the greatest time, playing and dancing with all the other kids living there. It was the first time I really felt like a normal kid.

HOME SWEET HOME!

After two years, my mom saved enough money to rent an apartment when I was 14. Finally, we are really on our own—with our own phone and no curfews! It's so amazing. Although we didn't even have electricity when we first moved in, I remember being so happy, sleeping alone on the floor in my own room with only the light coming in from outside my window. It was the most peaceful feeling in the world.

Next year, I'm going to college and hope to one day become a social worker so I can help other kids who are homeless or living in really bad situations. I think it's much harder for kids to understand what's happening to them and I would love to be able to make it a little easier for them. Even though it's a hard way to live, being homeless has made me more understanding of other people and really appreciative of what I do have. So many of my friends complain about little things when they should be so grateful for what they have! My mom always says in her prayers, 'Although we've been through a lot and we don't have much, at least we have each other.' I've learned family is the most important thing you can have—even more important than having a home."

Girls' Life Magazine, November 2003

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